The greatest indicator that I have given my power away to someone or something outside of myself is reaching a point where I have no joy left inside me.
Then I lose my confidence. Then I lose my inner peace. Then I lose my passion. Then I lose myself.
As I mentioned in my previous blog post, a few years ago, that season of loss led me into an identity crisis, therapy, and saying goodbyes.
I became discontent and disconnected from myself. I was stuck.
As I looked at my brand and the direction I was heading professionally, it felt off. The words, the messaging, the visuals, the opportunities, and even the energy weren’t me. I felt empty.
I let go of my publicist, speaking agent, executive coach, advertising firm, and social media marketing company. I had ascribed undue power to this team of people because they had become my sole source of success.
In letting go of my team, I was releasing what no longer fit. I was not letting go of my dreams.
It was not a sign to quit—it was a sign to realign and redefine.
This prompted a deep soul-searching process. And during that internal search, I had to face my fears:
Fear of failure.
Fear of missing out.
Fear of being behind in my own life.
Fear of wasting my potential.
When I stepped out of living in fear, not only did my joy return—the world opened to me.
After a year of intense inner work, one morning during my quiet time, I thought: Wait, am I back?
I’ve always been an ambitious, career-driven person filled with ideas and inspiration. Being back meant I was fully myself again—with complete clarity and confidence about who I am and what I truly want. The healthy balance between Ambitious-Andrea and Authentic-Andrea is my definition of success. It also means not forcing myself to write, speak, or create—only doing so when I’m feeling inspired.
Once I found myself and my joy again, I gained the confidence to establish my non-negotiable priorities. I became more selective in my relationships and social interactions. I redefined success.
I decided that instead of spending excessive money, time, and energy trying to build a "brand" and "market" myself, I would focus on wholeheartedly serving the people in front of me—not on fancy promotions, compelling campaigns, or flashy advertising.
How can you shift more of your energy from selling yourself to serving others?
When I started my psychotherapy practice decades ago, I ventured into my community and formed lasting relationships. My practice has always been built on word-of-mouth referrals, and I’ve almost always had a waiting list. God is my source, and my provider of people and opportunities.
Similarly, when it comes to my passion for writing and speaking, the same principle applies: I don’t sell myself, play the game, or chase after people. I follow my inspiration, trust my intuition, and build relationships.
Success looks different for everyone. You may need to do the inner work to uncover what truly brings you contentment and joy. And once you do, fiercely protect it—from others’ expectations, from fear, from limiting beliefs, and from the illusion of failure.
My joy is not dependent on something or someone else, but on life itself. When I understood this, I was free.
Since my professional identity crisis, I have not identified any one person or company as the source of my success. We often attribute our success to individuals or institutions, when they are merely opportunities—for a season and for a reason.
Success is not meant to be static. It’s a living, breathing reflection of your evolution as a person.
If you fixate on a single opportunity, you risk confining your success to that opportunity alone. This can lead to frustration, envy, discontent, and burnout. Worse, it may block the many other ways God can provide for you, bringing you success and the joy you desire.
Do you feel dependent on a particular person or company as the source of your success, financial well-being, or joy?
Identifying them is important.
You might be thinking:
If I could just get my book into the hands of this famous person, then I’ll get published.
If one of my videos could just go viral, then I’ll be noticed.
If I could just get my boss to promote me, then I’ll know I’ve made it.
If I could just find my future spouse or get pregnant, then I’ll be happy.
If I could just be invited into the inner circle, then I’ll feel important.
If I could just be a guest on this show or podcast, then I’ll get my moment.
None of these desires are inherently wrong. The issue arises when they become your sole source of success and self-worth. When you depend on someone outside of yourself for joy, you give away your power and peace. Life becomes an emotional roller coaster.
When Your Source of Success Is Not Who but What
Perhaps your source of success is not a person or company, but an achievement or financial status. If you struggle with tying success to these external markers, consider this:
Money is just one form of success. There are countless ways to measure success beyond achievement and income. You may be receiving rewards far more valuable than money.
Many people earn substantial amounts of money but suffer relationally, emotionally, and physically because they are too busy and disconnected from joy.
If your work is only compensated with money, you're not being paid nearly enough.
Others may earn less but sleep peacefully at night, with a heart fulfilled. While financial success and fulfillment are not mutually exclusive, true joy extends beyond money.
Success should bring you peace and fulfillment, not just external validation. When you stop placing pressure on a single source of success (person, company, achievement, or money), joy can return. Creativity ignites. Peace of mind arrives. Fear dissipates.
Say aloud or in a prayer:
“I release _____ (person, company, money, or achievement) as the sole source of my success. God has a unique plan for my life, and I will not miss it when I depend on Him as my source. Success and joy can come to me through many different avenues that will surprise me and make me happy. I gratefully allow God to provide for me in clever and wondrous ways.”
Repeat every day if needed until fear does not have such a strong hold on you!
Ultimately, the mental torment and emotional distress of the pressure to be perfect and do more is what I learned to release. I released the pressure to build an empire, dominate an industry, or be the number one.
The Messy Middle
If you struggle with making a company, person, achievement, or income your source of success, it doesn’t mean you have to leave your job or abandon your dreams—it means you adjust your mindset and redefine success.
I let go of my team, not my dream.
Once you release who or what as your sole source of success, you create space to redefine success and determine what joy looks like for you.
Maybe some of the dreams you pursued were actually someone else’s, and you assumed them as your own. Maybe you crave a life with less complexity and more peace. Maybe you’re scared to dream beyond the familiar comforts of the success that has defined you.
Maybe after all your effort, you discovered that what you thought you wanted wasn’t what you truly needed. Maybe you put in the hard work, only to realize you desire a career that is fulfilling and more authentic. Maybe life takes an unexpected turn, forcing you to reimagine and redefine your dreams.
Embrace the Messy Middle maybes.
You can lose yourself and find yourself again. That’s what I did.
My career as a therapist, author, and speaker is my calling. God is my source.
AND…
The real joys in life for me are time, slow mornings, a peaceful mind, unworried sleep, meaningful conversations, a can’t-live-without-you love, radical contentment, and the freedom to choose how I spend my days.
Success is not just about making a living; it’s about making a life.
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Need help dealing with redefining success and finding your joy, or with any of these concepts above? Get in touch to request a therapy appointment.
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