The Paradox of Grief, Part two.

In the previous blog post, we explored grief after the passing of my grandmother, Ga-Ga, who died suddenly during my teenage years. Her passing left a profound impact, and for years, the grief went unexpressed, quietly eroding joy.

Unresolved grief can leave a lasting impact, quietly diminishing our joy and affecting our sense of self.

A Divine Connection to Joy

Scripture reveals a profound connection between joy and sadness.

Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. (Ps. 126:5) Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. (Ps. 30:5) For I will turn their mourning to joy, will comfort them, and make them rejoice rather than sorrow. (Jer. 31:13)

When grief goes unexpressed, it can grow over time, quietly eroding joy and leading to numbness.

Sometimes I unexpectedly found items that triggered memories — a purse, a note, or a small object from the past. Allowing myself to feel these emotions released long-held sorrow and began the healing process.

It was as if someone flipped the switch to “on” after it had been off for so long — the switch being my emotions.

Much to my surprise, I felt relief. I experienced God’s presence, comforting me like a warm blanket. It wasn’t too late after all. In fact, I was right on time.

The intense pain of years of unresolved grief flooded back to me, and God used that moment to bring healing.

The good news was, although my joy was missing for years, I have a redemptive and powerful God who was able to restore my joy and who now allows me to help others on their journey of grieving.

Now, in my mind’s eye, I can see Ga-Ga with her glasses hanging around her neck, her bright red lipstick, and her beautiful smile. There was such warmth to her. Her presence brought peace and assurance that everything was okay.

As I share this memory now, my heart still aches to recall it. Before Ga-Ga’s passing, I had never known anyone who had died, and it never occurred to me that suddenly my grandmother would no longer be a vital part of my everyday life. The greatest gift a person can give you is to show you are loved no matter what, you have a safe place you can call home, and you can be yourself without fear of judgment.

Ga-Ga modeled for me the heart of Jesus and what a relationship with him can be like. I do not have my Ga-Ga anymore, but I do have and will always have her memory and an experience of Jesus as my shelter, strong tower, and very present help in time of need (Ps. 46:1).

Grief Is Part of Your Story

Throughout my clinical career, I have learned a powerful and validating truth about grief: every loss matters, and telling the story of that loss is often the first step toward healing.

Loss is not only about the death of a loved one. Grief can also involve internal or emotional losses — such as the loss of an opportunity, a relationship, a dream, or a sense of independence.

Loss can take many forms — a spouse, family member, relationship, career, home, unfulfilled dream, or ongoing connection with someone who is emotionally absent. One of the most difficult losses to grieve is for people who are still alive — for example, a parent who is distant, a friend who has drifted away, or a spouse who is present physically but unavailable emotionally.

Healing begins when you allow yourself permission to grieve without expending energy trying to rationalize or “move on.”

As I mentioned earlier, choosing to grieve in the first place is the most powerful step.

Grief is cyclical, not a one-time event, and its pain can show up in many ways. Understanding that grief has multiple layers is essential for healing.

Grief is neither linear nor a simple, black-and-white experience.

Grief is about giving yourself permission to feel the loss in the moment it arises, without trying to rationalize it, be strong, or beat yourself up. Thoughts like, “I should be over this by now” or “What’s wrong with me?” are common, but these moments are not a time for self-diagnosis — there is nothing wrong with you.

The loss of my grandmother is part of my story to preserve and embrace — not just a memory or an event to hide in the past. It is part of who I am, and it always will be.

Pain is an inevitable reality of loss, and joy is an inevitable reality of grief.

The Paradox of Grief

The paradox of grief is that it brings joy. It restores our hearts and brings healing to our souls. Grieving is necessary; it is good and cleansing. The lie we believe is that grief will leave us in despair, so we fear it rather than allowing ourselves to feel and embrace it. Grief can feel unwelcome, unexpected, and inconvenient. It cannot be forced — it must be experienced.

Your soul, body, and heart remember your loss. When memories surface and strong emotions rise, I encourage you to make the choice to grieve and allow the waves of sadness to roll over you.

Choosing joy means choosing to embrace grief. As the Scripture passage at the beginning of this post says, “Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy.” God promises to turn our mourning into joy and to comfort us.

Mourning consists of feelings, and being comforted requires that we allow ourselves to face our pain.

The intense pain of grief can either frighten or free you. I invite you to surrender fear, dread, and doubt, replacing them with hope — as you feel your way into grief, joy may come.

Your life is a masterpiece.

Grief is just one piece put in place precisely by God.